*NOTE* This was originally posted on my old blog, www.bugandpie.blogspot.com. It took place a few years ago. I can't say I still don't "accidentally" steal things, but I can proudly say I have since retired my maternity coat.
1. We just got back from a trip to Mexico where I not only managed to accidentally steal some toys that the house we rented gave us to borrow for the week (I didn't even realize it when I took the toys out for my baby to play with on the plane! Bill had to point it out to me), but I also stole an entire Pack'n'Play. That's right. A freaking crib. I have big issues
2. A dialogue at a recently attended party:
Host: let me take your coats. I'll put them upstairs in one of the bedrooms
Me and Bill: Thanks! Great party by the way. (It wasn't really, but we wanted to be nice)
....roughly an hour and 25 minutes pass and a girl walks by us holding a coat over her arm...MY coat!
Me: Holy cow, that girl's stealing my coat! (I knew this to be true because it's a maternity coat from the Gap that I got last year when I was pregnant. It's such a great winter coat, though - I can't stop wearing it even though I don't have the belly to fill it anymore. I can't imagine many other non-pregger women are having that same issue with their identical Gap maternity coat. It had to be mine.)
Bill: Sure she is. (I wish I could give Bill some more credit than this for being sympathetic, but I can't. He stopped taking me seriously a long time ago. Plus, I was claiming that somebody was walking off with my coat...not a very typical crime)
Me: I'm serious! She just hung it up right over there! Maybe she's the official "move the coats to another location" person? They should at least warn us before relocating our coats!
Bill: maybe you should go check it out (shoos me away as he continues his conversation, although i can't imagine how any conversation in the world could be more important or enthralling than this great coat mystery)
So away I sleuthed, into the room where my coat was now hanging. I examined the tag closer - there was no question, it was my coat. That thief! I took it off the hook and started carrying it proudly back to Bill to show him. Just to back up my proof, I stuck my hand in the pocket where I put my gloves. Instead of gloves though, I felt a wad of (likely used) Kleenex and a set of (not my) keys.
Ut oh. Someone DID have the same issue as me with wearing their maternity coat around post-pregnancy (talk about issues). And she was standing right in front of me, watching me steal her coat!
Me: (after turning right around, hanging the coat up as gingerly and quickly as I could, running back into the room - completely ignoring coat-owner's eye - grabbing Bill's arm) go, go, go, go!
And that's why we left the party early.
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I'D RATHER WEAR PAJAMAS